A Love Unlived and Untested: Reflections from Modern Love
This is my second post of the new year, and I promise to keep it quick because it’s burning. Sometimes, when something grips you, you just have to write it out—and this, well, this is one of those moments.
If there’s one show that knows how to tug at the heartstrings, it’s Modern Love. I stumbled upon it during the holiday season—a time perfect for cozy blankets, a hot drink, and a series that makes you think about life and love. Season 1, Episode 2, When Cupid is a Prying Journalist, is one of those stories that sticks with you long after the screen goes dark. It’s romantic without being saccharine, introspective without being indulgent, and, above all, deeply human.
The episode tells the tale of Joshua, a dot-com entrepreneur, and Julie, a journalist prying (as the title promises) into the depths of his story. What begins as a straightforward interview about his dating app turns into a heart-wrenching exploration of love—particularly the kind we never get to live.
What struck me most was Julie’s reflection, a moment of raw honesty that stopped me in my tracks:
"Sometimes you realize that true love in its absolute form has many purposes in life. It's not actually just about bringing babies into the world or romance or soul mates or even lifelong companionship. The love we had in our past, unfinished, untested, lost love, seems so easy, so childish to those of us who choose to settle down. But, actually, it's the purest, most concentrated stuff."
Unfinished, untested love—it’s a concept that feels universal, isn’t it? We all have those moments or relationships that never fully blossomed. Maybe it was timing. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was just life getting in the way. Those loves linger in our minds, suspended in the golden haze of “what if,” untouched by reality’s imperfections.
But what makes this episode resonate so deeply is how it reframes this kind of love. It’s not childish. It’s not lesser. It’s the essence of love, distilled into its purest form. This isn’t about longing for what was lost or indulging in regret—it’s about recognizing that love, even when unfinished, still holds value. It’s not a placeholder or a footnote. It’s part of what makes us who we are.
Joshua’s story with Emma, the love he couldn’t move past, isn’t about heartbreak. It’s about the way some connections mark us, leaving a quiet yet indelible imprint. It’s not about romanticizing the past, either. Julie’s reflection shows that love, even the love that never got to live and breathe fully, serves its own purpose. It reminds us of the magic we’re capable of feeling and the beauty of connecting deeply, even if only briefly.
For me, the episode felt like a quiet invitation to reflect on my own experiences. Not with sadness, but with gratitude. We all carry these echoes of love that didn’t quite take flight. They remind us of who we were—our courage to feel, to hope, to dream of a future with someone else. And they show us that the heart can expand, learn, and grow, even when the story doesn’t unfold the way we imagined.
What makes Modern Love so special is how it balances the bittersweet with the hopeful. It doesn’t dwell in pain for the sake of it, nor does it tie everything up in a neat little bow. Instead, it meets us where we are—in the messy, complicated, wonderful terrain of human connection.
The love we didn’t live isn’t something to be mourned. It’s something to be honored. It’s not about what we missed out on, but what it taught us—about our capacity to love, about the beauty of fleeting moments, and about the courage it takes to move forward with an open heart.
So, as Julie says, this kind of love may seem easy or childish from the outside, but it’s anything but. It’s the essence of love itself, unburdened by the logistics of life. It doesn’t mean we stop loving where we are now, or what we’ve built. It just means we make space to appreciate the loves that shaped us along the way.
And that’s why Modern Love is more than just a show for me—it’s a reminder. A reminder that love is never wasted, even when it’s unfinished. Because in its purest form, love—lived or unlived—has a way of leaving us a little better than it found us.
Beautifully written. Julie's monologue never fails to wrench my heart. It's an episode that has stayed with me for years after my first watch. Glad to see someone resonating with it, too!